weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
