Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
