All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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