porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
