The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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