You work out of a Hotel?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
