If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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