I skipped work to stalk him.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
