woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
