I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
