When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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