Define "chronic" masturbator.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
