I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please come you make the beer taste better
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
