what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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