oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
