who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
