i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
