At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my being single is dangerous.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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