Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
