Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
