A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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