franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
