I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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