i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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