you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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