he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
