just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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