Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
