I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
