i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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