The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
