maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
