Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
