she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
