If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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