The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
