We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
