I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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