when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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