Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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