I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
