the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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