she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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