I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There r osticjed everywhere
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
