:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
