Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
