people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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