she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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