I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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