You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
