im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
