You did not just play the dead husband card again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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