I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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