A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize