it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
