Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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