we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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